Why Women Are Quietly Opting Out Instead of Quitting Loudly

You may not hear it in the company's all-hands meeting. You will not see it in a viral resignation letter. But more and more women are quietly choosing to step back from their careers.

They are not leaving because they lack ambition. They are leaving because they have reached the point where ambition alone is not worth the toll.

McKinsey and LeanIn.Org’s 2023 Women in the Workplace report found that one in four women considered downshifting or leaving their jobs entirely last year. Women leaders were leaving at the highest rate ever recorded in the report’s nine-year history. This is not a fluke. It is a clear message that the system is not working.

It is not always the dramatic moment where someone clears out their desk and storms out. Most of the time, it is quieter. You turn down the next promotion. You decide not to push for the role you know you could do. You opt out of the race because you are tired of running on a treadmill that never stops.

This is the cost of always being the only woman in the room. The hidden tax of having to explain your perspective over and over, defending your expertise, and carrying the extra work of mentoring and emotional labor. According to Deloitte’s Women @ Work 2023 report, 44 percent of women say they feel burned out. Among those with caregiving responsibilities, that number rises to 53 percent.

We have glamorized hustle culture for too long. The idea that you must outwork everyone else to earn your place. The belief that rest is weakness. The expectation is that if you just try harder, everything will fall into place. But the pandemic taught many of us that this is an illusion.

Now, more women are redefining success. They are not giving up. They are refusing to stay in systems that refuse to change.

At Coachcella, I see this every day. Talented, capable women who once believed that the next title or salary bump would finally validate them are now looking for something different. They want freedom. They want purpose. They want well-being.

This is not a weakness. It is wisdom.

So, before you judge someone who decided to take a step back, ask yourself what you have done to make it easier for her to stay. If you are in a position to advocate for better policies, more inclusive leadership, and healthier workplaces, now is the time.

If you are making this choice yourself, know that you are not alone. You are part of a larger movement to create a definition of success that does not come at the cost of your health or your peace.

Let’s create a culture where women do not have to burn out to be believed.

Sources:
McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.Org, "Women in the Workplace," October 2023
Deloitte, "Women @ Work 2023: A Global Outlook," April 2023