Sorry, Not Sorry: Why Advocating for Yourself Is a Leadership Skill, Not a Flaw
If you’ve ever hesitated to negotiate your salary, ask for a promotion, or speak up when expectations felt unrealistic, you are not alone. Many women find self-advocacy in the workplace challenging. There is a common fear of being perceived as too demanding or ungrateful. That hesitation is valid. It also reflects how many professional cultures have shaped us to stay quiet and compliant.
But here is the truth: if you do not ask, you are unlikely to receive.
Self-advocacy is not about aggression or entitlement. It is about clarity. It is about making your contributions known and aligning your compensation, title, or responsibilities with the value you bring. It is how leadership begins, not where it ends.
1. Reframe the Way You See Negotiation
Many women are taught to feel lucky just to be in the room. Gratitude is important, but it should not silence your ability to negotiate for better. Negotiation is not a confrontation. It is a business conversation, and most employers expect it.
Before your next salary conversation, remind yourself:
Negotiation is part of the professional process.
Advocating for your value creates clarity and fairness for everyone.
You are not asking for a favor. You are recognizing your contributions.
2. Bring Data, Not Just Desire
Wants are subjective. Data is persuasive. Its critical that you come prepared with validated data points like:
Salary benchmarks for your role and experience level.
Measurable outcomes from your recent work: growth, savings, results.
Feedback from colleagues, clients, or leadership that shows impact.
Evidence shifts the conversation from personal preference to professional value, while highlighting your leadership mindset.
3. Practice the Ask
Confidence comes from preparation. Practice your ask in the mirror, record yourself, or rehearse with someone you trust. Pay attention to your tone and delivery.
Avoid:
“I was just wondering if maybe this could be considered?”
“I know this might not be the right time, but...”
Instead:
“Based on my results leading [specific project], I would like to discuss adjusting my compensation.
“Given my performance over the past year, I want to explore a promotion path that reflects my impact.”
4. Expect Pushback and Be Ready for It
Not every request will be met with a yes. Some responses will be delayed or come with conditions. That is part of the process, not a sign of failure.
Stay engaged by asking:
“What outcomes would I need to achieve to revisit this successfully?”
“When can we set a time to reassess this conversation?”
Questions like these keep the door open and show your commitment to growth.
5. Normalize Self-Advocacy for Yourself and Others
Every time you advocate for yourself, you are making it easier for the next person to do the same. Share your wins. Encourage others to speak up. Create a culture where self-advocacy is not rare, but routine.
At Coachcella, we help women build the tools to advocate for themselves with strategy and strength. Whether you are preparing for a raise, a new role, or a shift in responsibility, you do not have to navigate it alone.
If you are ready to take that next step, we are here to walk with you.
Book a session with us today and invest in your future.
